


In Die Nacht

by princesskay



Category: Tokio Hotel
Genre: M/M, Moment of potential non-con, PWP, Twincest, Unresolved Emotional Tension, light kink
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-01-23
Updated: 2014-01-23
Packaged: 2018-01-09 17:16:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 7,238
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1148711
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/princesskay/pseuds/princesskay
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Tom is feeling insecure and inadequate in the shadow of his younger brother, but Bill is oblivious to Tom's feelings. Can they resolve the issue together?</p>
            </blockquote>





	In Die Nacht

Doctors say that when identical twins are conceived, one egg splits off from the first one, creating similar children. If so, who's fetus came first? Did the first egg get the better genes, the better looks, the better talents? Was it evenly divided?   
In the case of the Kaulitz twins, Tom thought maybe it was that first one. And maybe, Bill had been the first egg.   
All his life, Tom had lived to shadow his brother, except in their birth order. Bill did everything first. He spoke, he walked, he ran, and sang all shortly after hitting his first birthday. Tom followed slowly. When they went to school, Bill excelled with ease. He hardly studied, because he didn't need to. Tom, again, lagged behind. When Bill started singing lessons, Tom preferred to stay in his room and strum away at his guitar. In public, Bill was flamboyant, outgoing, talkative, while Tom stayed at his side, quiet and brooding.   
Tom grounded them. He was orderly, predictable, loyal. What Tom lacked in words, Bill definitely made up for. He was loud, expressive, and more than a bit fickle. He changed his mind like a woman, insisted on all the right clothes and hair products, and made sure everything went his way. When he threw fits, Tom was the one to step in and establish order once more. When Bill was upset about a bad sound check, or even a live performance, Tom's shoulder was the one he ran to cry on.  
Such routines had long ago been established. But didn't everything change?   
Tom was growing weary of being secondary to Bill. He hated walking around in his little brother's shadow. Bill was the one everyone wanted. He was charismatic, gorgeous, and so sinfully androgynous. Everyone wanted a taste, and while Tom got plenty of girls, they were always fans that had initially been drawn by Bill's siren song. Bill was the singer; Tom was just a guy who loved to play guitar and happened to be a little bit good at it.   
With each passing night, Tom slept more and more restlessly. He tossed and turned in his king sized bed, trying to avoid waking Bill, who always slept far too close to his side.   
It wasn't just the immasculation that kept him awake. It was the idea that he could change that, if not in his own mind but also in Bill's. It was his frustration that the only solution he could think of involved Bill. Goddamnit, it was that he wanted his own twin brother as much as the rest of the world did.   
Something had to change, and soon. 

~

“Ohh damnit!” Bill cried, halting halfway out the door.   
As always, he had forgotten something else. Bill always forgot something as they were leaving the house because he had too many things to remember. It was usually something Tom thought he could live without, but Bill insisted on having it.   
“Tomi, can you get my lip gloss?” Bill yelled back into the house.   
Tom was already headed for the front door when the request came in. He gave a heavy sigh but gave a positive reply and turned back to get the lip gloss. He grumbled under his breath as he searched through a myriad of colors and brands. How should he know which one to grab? He tried to remember what shade Bill was wearing today and grabbed a tube he thought looked close.   
Jogging for the door, he was once again assaulted.   
“Can you see if there's a nail file up there too?” Bill called, sounding half-distracted, probably by his cell phone.   
Tom threw up his hands and went back for the nail file. Holding both objects in his hands, he started for the door, hoping to make it down the hall before Bill thought of something else.   
Too late.   
Bill gave a dismayed cry, “Tomi, how could you let me forget?. . .Where the hell is my day planner?”   
“Jesus, Bill!” Tom cried, exasperated.   
“I'm sorry, but I need it. Is it in your room?”   
Tom stuffed the lip gloss and nail file in his pocket and stomped into his room. They were going to be late for their appearance if Bill kept it up. He went searching through the desk but couldn't find the stupid little book. Bill kept everything written down in it, so at least it was more important than a dumb nail file. But Tom was more than a little irritated and he didn't feel like dealing with Bill's routine misplacement of his belongings.   
Tom started to call out to Bill that he couldn't find it, only to see it pushed nearly under the bed. What was it doing there? . ..Taunting him, of course.   
Tom crouched down and snatched the planner from the ground. This time, he kicked his pace up a notch and made it down the hall to the front door before Bill could send him on another errand.   
“Thank you, Tom.” Bill smiled, broadly and took his things, “What would I do without you?”   
“I don't know.” Tom muttered, “Maybe hire a slave?”   
“Tom!” Bill scolded, his brows furrowing, “I asked politely, didn't I?”   
“I'm not your fucking lap dog, okay?” Tom snapped, pushing past Bill and marching to where the car was parked.   
He climbed into the driver's seat and shoved the key in ignition. Bill clambered into the passenger seat, trying to haul all the things he was carrying in behind him without shutting the door on anything important.   
“Tom. . .” He began, his voice doing that whiney, annoying pitch it always jumped to when Tom was about to get a lecture.   
“I don't want to hear it.” Tom held up a hand, “Let's just get through this show.”   
Bill turned in his seat to face Tom, “Was I really being so demanding?”   
“Well, you sent me back for about a hundred different things. . .including lip gloss and a fucking nail file? Come on, Bill. Did you really need those things?”  
“It was only three.” Bill folded his arms, “And yes, I do.”   
“See, that's exactly what I mean.” Tom motioned toward Bill.   
“What???” Bill cried.   
“You are a complete perfectionist, anal, drama queen!” Tom exclaimed, “And I'm the one the always has to pick up after you. Sometimes, I get a little tired of it.”  
“That is not true.” Bill huffed, “There are so many things I do for you too.”  
“Like what?”  
“I. . .I get you up in the morning cuz you are such a late sleeper-”  
“My alarm clock can do that.”   
“I walk the dogs for you.”   
“I think we kind of share that job.” Tom said, keeping his eyes on the road.   
Bill made a sound of disbelief, “Well, there's other stuff.”  
“You just can't think of them.” Tom cast a cynical gaze at Bill.   
Bill's expression was in full pout mode by now. He glared at Tom, “Well, you know what? I am the singer, Tom! There would be no Tokio Hotel without me. No hot girls, no nice houses and cars, no cool vacations!”  
Silence took over the car. Tom gripped the steering wheel hard. He could feel his blood boiling, and his face growing hot but he didn't want to blow up. He didn't want to say something he would regret. But after a full minute of quiet, Tom couldn't take it anymore.   
“Are you happy now?” Tom demanded, “Are you satisfied that the world really does revolve around you?”   
“Shut up, Tom.” Bill snapped, looking out the passenger side window.   
“No. . .I'm really sick of this self-centered attitude you've gotten lately. There's four of us in the band, okay? Not one. I'd like to see where Tokio Hotel would be without a lead guitarist, too.”  
“Is that some kind of sick threat?” Bill spat, finally looking over at Tom.   
“No, it's a reminder. . ..That I'm still here. Still playing after all your bullshit.”   
“Now what is that supposed to mean?” Bill retorted.   
Tom stomped on the brakes for a red light. Looking Bill in the eye, he replied, “Don't you know already?”  
“Know what?” Bill cried, at a loss.   
“I could leave tomorrow and no one would care.” Tom replied, his voice growing quiet, “Because you're the one everyone wants. I'm just the look-alike.”   
“What? Tom, no. . .” Bill whispered, crestfallen, “It's not like that.”   
“Well, you're not exactly seeing it from my perspective, are you?”  
“No, but. . .but that's not true.” Bill sputtered, his big, brown eyes suddenly glossy, “Please, take it back.”   
“No. It's the truth!” Tom smacked his palm on the steering wheel, “I will always take a backseat to you. You said it, Bill: you're the singer.”  
Bill sank down in his seat, sniffing quietly, “We're going to do this interview, Tom. But this conversation isn't over.” 

~

The interview seemed forced. The nice lady asking the questions continued adding cheap, unamusing comments to cover the awkward silences. Bill's and Tom's laughter was weak and coerced.   
The interviewer plunged into a series of questions about their relationship, making the twins even more uncomfortable. At one point, she questioned, “So, who makes most of the decisions at your house?”   
“That would be Bill.” Tom answered, before Bill could step in.   
Bill looked over at him with an expression of disbelief.   
“Oh really?” The lady chuckled, “And why is that?”   
“Because he's the singer.” Tom shrugged, “Why else?”   
Bill tried to run damage control, “No, that's not completely true, Tom.” He nudged Tom forcefully in the side, “We discuss things all the time.”   
The lady made some stupid remark about twins thinking the same thing before moving on to the obviously touchy subject.   
By the time they made it out of the interview, Tom was simmering from their fight and the bothersome questions, but Bill was completely riled up and ready to yell it out again. He did't start until they were in the car again, but when he did, he was right back where they left off.   
“What is wrong with you?” Bill demanded, “Answering all those questions like I'm a complete control freak.”   
“Do we really have to argue all the way back home?” Tom asked with a sigh.   
“I just want to know what's gotten into you lately.”   
“It's not just lately, Bill. It's been all our lives, okay? Mum worries the most about you. . .when Dad actually visits, you're the one he wants to see more. The fangirl's scream your name, not mine.”   
“Okay, back up.” Bill held up a hand, “Mum worries about me because she knows I'll do something dumb if I don't have you around.”   
“Don't try to spin this in your favor.” Tom muttered, wheeling the Audi back onto the highway.   
“As for Dad, I don't know what you're talking about. He never comes around anyway.” Bill added the last part in a whisper.   
Tom sighed and rubbed his eyes, “I'm sorry. I didn't mean to drag Dad into this.”   
“That's a start.” Bill replied, tartly, “Are you going to apologize for all the other shit you've said today?”  
“No.” Tom said, firmly, “It's still true.”   
Bill gave a sound of frustration, “Since when have we not been equals?”   
“Come on, Bill!” Tom cried, “You've always been better than me. . .at everything. It gets kind of old, always be the other twin, or Bill's brother.”   
“That's not how it is.” Bill insisted, “And even if people do say that, I don't think that.”   
“Look, you can't understand, so just let it lie.” Tom said, weary of the conversation.   
“No.” Bill shook his head, “I can't let you keep feeling sorry for yourself like this.”   
“What? Feeling sorry-”  
“Yes! It's damn pathetic.” Bill exclaimed.   
“Hey,” Tom swung the wheel of the Audi over hard, pulling them into the cracked and pot-hole infested parking lot of a deserted restaurant, “You are not earning yourself any points here.”   
“What are you doing?” Bill insisted, looking anxiously at their surroundings.   
“I'm going to tell you this once, and I don't expect you to understand it either.” Tom said, turning in his seat to point a finger at Bill's face, “I have a way to end this all, but I can't let myself do that. I don't want to hurt you, or blemish you, or whatever.”   
“What are you talking about?” Bill asked, his eyes growing wider.   
“It has to come out as some time, so it might as well be now.” Tom threw up his hands, “The only way I feel like I can prove myself to you is by doing you, okay?”   
“Doing. . .d-doing me. . .?” Bill whispered, his cheeks growing red, “As in. . .?”  
Tom lunged across the gearshift, catching a handful of Bill's hair and pulling his faces inches apart. He was nearly across the car, on Bill's lap, but he couldn't stop himself, “I want to fuck you.” He whispered, harshly, squeezing his fist around Bill's long, dark hair, “I've want to for so long, but I can't. . .”   
“Tom, please. . .” Bill whispered, shaking his head.   
“Come here.” Tom growled, grabbing Bill by the belt buckle and pulling his squirming hips forward. He forcefully tugged open the belt and thrust his hand inside, shivering when he felt Bill's package, still velvet soft and pliable, but growing harder by the second.   
“Tom. . .Tom, stop. . .” Bill panted, his lashes blinking rapidly.   
“This is what I want.” Tom groaned into Bill's ear, “I want to take you so hard, you will never forget that I am still your older brother. . .I am still fucking here!”   
“Tom, please. ..” Bill whimpered, “I know that! I never forgot! I. . .I . . please. . .”   
Tom's hand lingered on Bill's cock, wanting to stay, longing to dissolve the last bonds between them.   
“Then tell me to stop again.” Tom whispered, trying to force his mind and body out of attack mode. His aching body, pent up with desire, was already barreling toward climax, but he had to stop. He couldn't do this here.  
“Stop.” Bill answered, his voice stronger this time, “Get your hands off.”   
Tom closed his eyes and withdrew his hand. He sank back into his own seat and dropped his head into his hands. What the fuck had he been thinking? He should've never told Bill what he was feeling. It was better that they argue than resort to fucking each other. It was wrong, and he shouldn't have let that desire get so out of control. It was his own fault for allowing it to grow, in fact, fostering and nurturing it to the full-blown fantasy it was. It was his fault for putting his hand down his pants each night to jack off thinking about his own brother's naked body curled against his, writhing and thrusting.   
Tom's hand was shaking as he reached down to put the car back into drive. He carefully wheeled the Audi back onto the road, hardly trusting his ability to drive now.   
The brothers were silent the rest of the way to the house. Tom kept his hands firmly on the wheel and looked straight ahead. Bill slouched down in his seat and stared hard out the window, his mind racing.   
Once they made it back to their home, Bill threw the door open and grabbed his things. He escaped the car and ran to the house, his eyes on the ground. Tom stayed in the car, staring at his hands. He had actually touched Bill. In a violent moment of uncontrolled want, he had actually put his hands down Bill's jeans and grabbed him. God, he could still feel the shape and texture resting against his palm, the heat radiating from the excited flesh. It had all happened too fast, but Tom knew Bill had been turned on. What were they going to do now?   
Tom finally found the courage to get out of the car. He walked slowly to the house, kicking pebbles across the driveway on his way to the porch. Creeping inside, his strained his ears to listen for Bill. He couldn't hear anything downstairs and assumed that Bill had run upstairs to hide under the covers. It was classic Bill to run to his bedroom and slam the door. Unfortunately, that reaction provided the perfect place for Tom's desire to run wild.   
Tom trudged up the stairs, shedding his jacket, scarf, and hat as he went. He threw the items on his bed and changed out of the clothes he had worn to the interview. He gave a quiet groan as he dropped his pants to find his cock still valiantly fighting to remain erect.   
You just don't know when to quit, do you? He thought, half to himself, have to his stupid, hard cock.   
His damn erection didn't have common sense to know he shouldn't be wanting Bill right now, but the rest of him had a fully functional brain that should've relayed that message long ago. What the hell was wrong with him? When had this dumb identity crisis turned into a twisted desire for his own twin brother? When had the two become one?   
He needed so desperately to be noticed, to be stroked and loved, and told he was important. But he hadn't realized until just recently that he really needed to hear Bill say it. And he felt the only way he could be heard was by forcing Bill to listen. . .via sex.   
That activity was how he had been validating, defining, and proving himself for the past several years. Sex, he had come to believe, was the way he would eventually prove to Bill – not just fangirls – that he really was important, that he mattered as much as his twin. He could do a lot more than play a guitar. . .so much more.   
Tom gave a sigh and covered the persistent hard-on with a pair of sweatpants. He threw a gray tank top on and crossed the hall to Bill's bedroom. He had to apologize. He had to make this right. In his search for meaning and recognition, he had never meant for Bill to get hurt. He had never meant to be cruel to the one person he loved above all else.   
Tom gave a quick, sharp knock on the door and thrust his hands in his pockets. He rocked on his heels, trying to breath in and out calmly.   
Finally, Bill answered, “Come in.”   
Tom blew out a breath and turned the door knob. He stepped inside and shut the door behind himself. Dragging his eyes over the room, he saw a magnificent shrine to fashion, clothes, shoes, and accessories, not to mention, Nena. Bill hardly slept in here, but this was where he came to think, to calm himself, to cry when Tom wasn't being nice enough to hold him. All the things he loved were here, but Tom had been strangely absent lately. When had they stopped just hanging out as guys, as brothers? They used to sit Indian style on the bed for hours, listening to music or creating some of their own. That was before Tom had changed.   
Tom meandered over to the bed and sank down on the edge. Bill was under the covers, curled in a ball.   
“Bill.” Tom sighed, placing a hand on his little brother's shoulder, “I'm sorry.”   
“For what?” Bill asked, his voice muffled under the edge of the coverlet, “Yelling at me, or molesting me?”  
“Fuck. ..” Tom muttered, angrily, “What do you expect me to say?”   
Bill rolled over, throwing the covers down to his stomach, “I expected you to be honest with me. . . .From our conversation, I gathered you haven't been lately.”   
“How was I supposed to tell you that?” Tom asked, quietly, blushing crimson.   
“Probably in a better way than you did.” Bill replied, coolly.   
“How can I fix this?” Tom asked, his anger destroyed by Bill's disappointment in him.   
“I don't know.” Bill confessed, “I didn't see that coming. . .from you.”   
A frown flickered across Tom's brow at Bill's hesitation, “What do you mean. . .from me?”   
Bill swallowed hard, “It doesn't matter now. We have to end this.”   
“Wait.” Tom grabbed onto Bill's shoulder as his twin sat up to escape the bed.   
“Well, I might as well put it out there.” Bill threw up a hand, “I've felt the same way, Tom, but I haven't embraced it nearly as much as you have. . .I don't think I could do it. . .you know, knowing it was you.”   
“Wait, you're telling me you want to have sex?” Tom asked in disbelief.   
Bill sighed and stared at his lap, “Every time I look at you, I imagine it. . .” He whispered, “I want to make it go away, Tomi. . .I hate this feeling of disgust inside myself, of hating you for it.”   
Before Tom could reply, Bill swung his long legs over the edge of the bed and walked to the door. Tom jumped up and followed him, reaching around Bill to hold the door shut.   
“I can't let you leave this room.” He said in a hushed, ragged tone, “Not after that confession.”   
Bill kept his hand on the door knob, “Please. ..” His voice was a soft whine, “I. . I don't want to.”   
Tom pressed his other hand against the middle of Bill's back, pressing his chest into the door. His hand curled around the material of Bill's shirt, slowly lifting it.   
“Tom. ..” Bill protested, a bit louder this time.   
Tom pushed the shirt up and slid his hand underneath, his heart suddenly pounding wildly. Bill's skin was soft, perfect. . .like stroking his fingers through cream. He slid his fingertips down the indention of Bill's arching spine until he discovered the curve of his tailbone. Dipping his fingertips into the waistband of Bill's pajama pants, he tugged them down just a little. He drew in a sharp breath when he found nothing but flesh underneath. The rounded tops of Bill's naked ass peeked up at Tom from above the loose pajama pants, the cleft growing invitingly wider.   
“Jesus.” Tom groaned, pressing his forehead against Bill's shoulder.   
“Tom, please. . .” Bill tried again, “Stop.”   
“No.” Tom sharply lifted his head, “We're not in some crappy parking lot this time, Bill. I have no reason whatsoever to obey you.”   
Bill's acryllics scraped softly over the door, “Tom, please. . .I don't want to!!!”   
“Yes. . .Yes, you do.” Tom replied, firmly.   
He gave a swift yank at the pants, leaving them pooled at Bill's feet. Bill gasped softly and began to squirm harder. Tom held him fast, and palmed one ass cheek with his other hand. The skin down here was even softer, like a baby's. Each perfect, pale orb was flawless, practically begging Tom to touch.   
Tom squeezed at the flesh, letting out a pleasured moan, “Oh my God, Bill.”   
Bill didn't reply this time. He remained frozen against the door, hardly breathing.   
Tom drew his hand back and gave Bill's ass a quick, sharp slap. Bill sucked in a breath and rose on his toes, his hands clawing at the door, “Tom. . .”  
“Hush.” Tom whispered in his ear.   
He delivered another light spanking, pleased at how taut the flesh remained, but how easily it flushed with the soft slaps. He wondered how red it would turn if he hit a little harder.   
“Come here.” Tom pulled Bill away from the door and led them to the bed. He threw Bill down across the fluffy coverlet and held him down. He grabbed one of the numerous pillows stacked at the head of the bed and stuffed one underneath Bill's hips to keep his ass up.   
“Tom. . .” Bill began, his voice a high-pitched whimper.   
“Quiet.” Tom ordered, sliding down to palm Bill's ass.   
He stroked and squeezed, feeling every inch and curve of Bill's ass before delving his thumbs into the cleft. Bill gasped, his body tensing up. Tom ignored the sharp reaction and spread Bill's ass open so that the tight, pink hole was exposed. Bill was completely hairless from routine waxings and Tom liked that very much. He pressed his mouth and nose into the soft flesh, breathing in deeply. It was deep, musky scent, mixed with soap and lotion. God, it smelled so fucking good.   
Bill was squirming harder now, his nails raking across the coverlet. He wanted off the bed, to escape the desire Tom was forcing him to face, but he knew his brother. And knowing Tom, Bill wasn't getting off this bed any time soon.   
Tom licked a quick, thick line up Bill's cleft before leaning back.   
“You have such a perfect ass.” Tom whispered, rubbing his palm over one cheek, “What am I to do with it?”   
“Tom, please. . .” Bill attempted once more to argue, though he knew it was futile.   
Suddenly, Tom spanked him hard, “That's for being a demanding, self-centered brat.”   
Bill blinked hard, trying to breathe around the pleasure suddenly assaulting him. Being spanked had never felt so erotic.   
Tom delivered another hard smack, “That's for denying me for so long.”   
Bill writhed against the pillow. The material was soft and chafing against his cock, only adding to the torturous sensations. He didn't know why, but he liked this. He liked how Tom's hand felt, coming down on his ass, making it hurt. . .Fuck, why did it have to feel so good?   
Tom spanked him a third time, “And that's for yelling at me earlier.”   
Bill moaned, lifting his ass a little.   
“Ooh.” Tom paused, “You like this, do you?”   
Bill thought quickly for a moment. His options were very limited, and lying would get him nowhere now that he was in his position. Feeling humiliated, but very turned on, he slowly nodded his head.   
“You want me to spank you harder?” Tom whispered, leaning forward to stroke the hair back from Bill's ear, “You want it to hurt a little bit?”   
Bill's heart thudded dully in his ears. His stomach turned and turned, but he couldn't stop his erection from spasming with each harsh smack to his buttocks.   
“Yes.” He murmured.   
“Spread your legs wider.” Tom ordered.   
Bill groaned a little as he inched his thighs apart. He felt so ashamed, so small and helpless. He was stripped naked, literally and mentally, his barriers completely destroyed. He was entirely vulnerable to one person he had never been afraid of opening up to. But now, each movement seemed so difficult, far more meaningful than it should. The very act of spreading his legs for Tom suggested he had already resigned his power.   
Tom left the bed and threw Bill's large, walk-in closet open. Bill watched anxiously over his shoulder, wondering what Tom was looking for in there. Though he already had a reasonable guess, he didn't want to believe it. Tom wouldn't be so cruel, would he?   
Tom searched through the closet for a moment before finding what he was looking for. He walked back to the bed, carrying a very thin, studded belt in his hand.   
“Tom. . .” Bill began, suddenly feeling like crying. He had brought this on himself.   
“You said you wanted it to hurt.” Tom replied, circling the bed like an animal circling it's prey, “You like it.”   
Bill's eyes strained over his shoulder as Tom went to stand behind him.   
“This should do.” Tom ran his fingers over the sharp, little studs.   
And before Bill could protest, Tom let the little belt fly. It smacked against Bill's ass, biting in deep. Bill gasped, rutting against the pillow in a desperate attempt to escape the punishment.   
Tom lashed at him with the belt again, certainly leaving welts with that evil strap. Bill pressed his forehead against the mattress, feeling tears growing in his eyes. It hurt so fucking bad, but for all the pain stinging through his ass, he couldn't make his erection go away. He was hard and throbbing, in complete lust for Tom. He had never let himself admit all these dark desires before, but now it was as if he were in overload. He could hardly comprehend it all.   
The belt cracked against his skin, the little points digging in. It stung very badly, causing a tear to gush from each eye. He clamped his lips shut, refusing to let the emotion be vocalized. He had done this! He had ignored Tomi's needs, he had ignored his twin's feelings. He had pushed his own desires into a dark corner that had been making him sick for years. In a way, he deserved this beating. He deserved to take it, and he deserved to be made to like it.   
Tom lashed him three more times before stopping, “How does that feel, Bill?” He crawled between Bill's open legs and ran gentle but calloused fingers over the welts forming, “It's pretty red.”   
Bill whimpered softly and managed to make his vocal chords work, “It. . It hurts, Tomi. . .It hurts really bad.” He hiccuped back tears, trying to contain his emotions.   
“Turn over.” Tom ordered.   
Bill slowly rolled onto his back, trying to hide the tears in his eyes.   
“Fuck it.” Tom growled, “You're crying. Why didn't you tell me to stop?”   
“No, Tom,” Bill shook his head, reaching for Tom's face, “I. . I needed it.”   
Tom frowned as Bill's nails stroked softly over his jaw. Now he was the one that didn't understand.   
“You're right.” Bill whispered, “I have forgotten. You've just become a problem to me, because I've spent so much time trying to hide what I really feel. But you're right. You are my brother, and I want you to be my master too.”   
Tom blinked hard, “Master?”  
“You need this to be yourself, Tomi.” Bill murmured, reaching up to kiss Tom's mouth softly, “You need to be loved and stroked and validated. And I haven't given that to you. . .I want you to take it now. Please.”   
Tom nodded, his jaw clenching to reign in his emotions. He didn't understand how Bill could know his feelings so intimately, but he was relieved that they were on the same wavelength again.   
“Stay right here.” Tom whispered.   
He rose from the bed and left the room for only a few moments. When he returned, he was carrying a bottle of lube in his hand. He stripped out of his own clothes and crawled back into the bed to where Bill lay compliantly with his legs open.   
“I'm going to fuck you.” Tom said, popping open the bottle of lube, “Just like I've been meaning to for years. It might hurt a little, but it's been building up for awhile. If I don't get it out now, I think I'll explode.”   
Bill lifted his legs against Tom's sides as Tom leaned over him.   
“Then explode inside me.” He murmured.   
Tom quickly slicked his cock with the lube and pressed his damp fingers to Bill's taut hole. He slowly pressed a finger in, watching in rapt attention as Bill's face twisted in pleasure. Bill's whole body raced to the edge with that single touch. It felt so good, made his body clench with pleasure, but he needed more.   
“You like it?” Tom asked, softly, dipping down to tease Bill's nipples with his mouth.   
“Yes.” Bill panted, his thrusting his hips against Tom's hand.   
Tom added a second finger and went in a little faster, a little deeper. Bill arched from the bed, his eyes slamming shut. He was shaking, hardly breathing. He had never felt something like this before. His body wanted to push the foreign object away, but was at the same time aroused by the sensation. He liked it, and he wanted more of it. Though he had denied these desires for so long, he could not object to the pleasure now assaulted his body.   
Tom began to push his fingers in and out, spreading him open, making him ready. Bill squirming, moaning with each thrust. He forced his eyes open and gazed up at Tom pleadingly.   
“Please, Tom. . .” He whispered, “I. . .I want it. . .”  
“You want my cock in you?” Tom asked, pushing his fingers in hard.   
Bill gasped as Tom struck just the right place, that spot that made his whole body spasm with pleasure. Bill tried to speak, but the shocking moment of pleasure all but paralyzed him. Tom stroked at the spot again, searching for the same reaction. Bill cried out and grabbed Tom's neck, trying pull him down and get his cock inside.   
“Tom, please. . .I need it!” Bill moaned, circling his hips down against Tom's probing fingers.   
Tom could resist those whimpering, pathetic cries no longer. He had been waiting for so long to hear this type of desperation in Bill's voice, see this look of yearning in his eyes. Withdrawing his hand, Tom guided his cock to Bill's open entrance and pushed inside.   
Bill nearly screamed. His eyes went round, his cheeks bright red. He grasped at Tom's body, his nails digging in, leaving scratches.   
“Tom, Tom. . .” He panted, his legs squeezing tight on either side of Tom.   
“Relax.” Tom murmured, feeling Bill's body turn into a vice around his cock.   
Bill looked up at him desperately, “Can't. . .”   
“Yes, you can.” Tom murmured, leaning down to kiss Bill's smooth, pale shoulder, “I've got you.”   
Bill blinked hard, and concentrated on slowing in his breathing. He tried to get used to feeling of Tom's big, hard cock inside him, taking up so much space, pushing and pressing in all the right ways. It felt so good, but it was almost more than he could take.   
“I'm going to do it again.” Tom murmured, “Try stay relaxed.”   
Bill nodded and let his muscles relax as Tom pulled back and then pushed in again. He expected his body to react in the same way, but Tom's soothing voice always did the trick. He felt every inch of Tom push into his body, but the panic dissipated. He closed his eyes and clung to Tom as his brother began a steady rhythm. In and out, in and out. . .Yes, it felt like heaven.   
Bill tilted his head back as Tom began to kiss at his shoulder and neck. He could feel Tom's lips and teeth against his skin, the soft, cool texture of his lip ring caressing his caratoid with each touch. He moaned in delight as Tom made his way up to Bill's ear, sucking in the lobe and then sliding along the outer shell. Shivers rolled down his spine and mingled with the pleasure of Tom's cock going deep inside him with each thrust. Moaning positive responses, Bill began to move his hips against Tom's thrusts. The friction between them was building, and he could feel Tom's cock growing harder with each second. His own cock was growing to a massive, aching erection that was only being pleasured by occasional contact with Tom's stomach.   
Bill turned his face down to look at Tom, begging, “I want. . .want you to touch me.”   
“You wanna cum?” Tom murmured, kissing as Bill's taut jawline.   
“Yeah. . .” Bill breathed, biting at his lower lip, “Yes. . .please. . .”   
Tom reached down and curled his fingers around Bill's erection. He groaned softly, “You're. . . you're so big.”   
“For you. . .” Bill murmured.   
“Yes, only for me.” Tom confirmed, pumping his hand over Bill's cock.   
A cry shot from Bill's mouth with the touch that set his whole body afire with renewed want. Where he had once been about half-way to climax, he was now at the edge, his whole body clenched and waiting.   
Tom, sensing Bill's desperation and responding to his own, began to thrust harder. His cock slammed in and out of Bill's spread ass, driving at Bill's prostate over and over again like a heat-seeking missel to it's target. Bill gasped and groaned, rocking his hips against Tom's wild thrusts. Above him, Tom groaned aloud, his head hanging low, his brow furrowed in concentration. His arms supporting himself began to quiver as he neared climax.   
“Yes, yes. . .” Bill moaned, holding on tightly to Tom.   
“Come on. . .” Tom moaned, half to himself, half to Bill.  
His hand jacked harder on Bill's cock, and his hips pistoned his cock in deep. Bill's cries cut off and his body went stiff when he felt the pleasure spark within him. It was there, right at his fingertips. If Tom kept touching him and fucking him the way he was now, he would cum in just a few moments.   
Tom didn't variate from his motions and Bill felt his whole body come apart with pleasure. It tore through his insides and exploded out from his cock, sending cum spraying all over them. He groaned and writhed, his body wracked by uncontrollable spasms. All he could see was an array of bright lights behind his eyelids and beyond, Tom losing himself to his own orgasm.   
When at last they both collapsed to the mattress, Bill couldn't find anything to say. He had planned so many speeches when this problem finally arose between them – because he had always known it would eventually come out – but he hadn't remembered any of it. Of course, he had never tried to think of what to say after the fact. He had never thought he would allow this to happen, and now that it had, he was speechless.   
He could feel Tom's eyes on him, but he didn't look over. He didn't know whether to feel lost, scared, angry, violated, or even upset with himself. He just stared at the ceiling, trying to understand the pleasure still reverberating through his spent body.   
Finally, Tom rolled onto his side and pushed himself up on his elbow. He gazed down at Bill and stroked his fingertips over Bill's flushed cheek, “This wasn't at all how I imagined it.”   
“Really?” Bill whispered.   
“No.” Tom shook his head, “I thought after all this time, all this waiting and being angry. . .I thought I would go at you hard. . .you know, hurt you some.”   
Bill blinked, unable to respond.   
“But you gave yourself to me.” Tom murmured, his usually playful brown eyes growing serious, “You gave me complete control and trusted me not to abuse it.”   
“Of course I trust you.” Bill whispered, hoarsely, “You're my twin, my other half. . .my Tomi.”   
Tom sighed and leaned down to press his forehead against Bill's. They gazed into each other's eyes for several moments before Tom kissed Bill's lips softly, “Why was I not honest with you? I should've known you wouldn't hate me for it.”   
“No, I hated myself.” Bill replied, quietly, “Now. . .I'm not sure how to feel.”   
“I understand.” Tom sat up and chewed at his lip ring, “It's a lot to process.”   
“I do know one thing.” Bill said, reaching out to hold Tom's hand, “I don't regret it. . .I don't think I've ever been so close to you.”   
Tom squeezed Bill's hand, “Oh, Bill. . .I expected you to stroke my ego. Instead, you completely destroyed it.”   
“What do you mean?” Bill asked.   
“I wanted to prove myself, to make you. . .I don't know. . .little, compared to me. I wanted to be better and. . .God, what was I thinking?”   
“Is that bad?”   
“No. . .I was being an ass to you before.” Tom looked over at him with rueful smile, “You took care of that.”   
“I still want us to be twins, you know.” Bill replied, “I don't ever want to lose that bond. Even if this. . .this arrangement doesn't work out. . .”  
“Of course.” Tom smiled, “I'm not breaking up with you, Billy.”   
They shared a quiet laugh before Bill opened his arms to Tom, “I'm sleepy now.”   
Tom laid back down with his head on Bill's shoulder and closed his eyes, “Let's just stay like this, Bill. Forever.”   
“Okay.” Bill replied, “Forever.” 

~

Bill watched with brother sleep.   
How could I hate you, Tomi? I could never do that. I would do anything for you. . .You thought I wouldn't understand, but it was you who didn't understand all along. I was protecting us by not letting his happen, but you know I would do anything, give anything for you. . .My whole self is yours to keep forever and ever. I want us to be together until death, and even then, we will not be separated.   
Bill's mind quieted for a moment. He had been trying to think of what to say to Tom when his brother awoke. In his heart, he knew his decision was made, but he hardly believed it yet. He had been holding this back and denying his desires for so long. It still felt slightly wrong. But he knew he couldn't live with his brother unhappy, and he knew he couldn't lock these emotions away again once they had been released.   
Bill sighed and reached down to touch Tom's angelic expression as he slept. It was the only time he knew Tom was completely vulnerable. In sleep, he was perfect, flawless, beautiful and good. It was when his mind and ego stepped in during his waking hours that Tom found his flaws. He was so good at heart, but he strayed to places Bill never let himself go. Dark places, angry places. . .Bill had always known he had to save him. But he had never guessed it would be in this way.   
Master. . .My flesh is yours to devour, my heart is yours to keep – even if you break it, I could not leave you. Even if you hurt me, I could not separate myself from you. We are one. . .That is all I have ever wanted. For us to know and understand each other completely, to need each other like we need air. I should've never denied you.   
“Bill. . .?” Tom stirred from sleep, his eyelids fluttering open.   
“Hush.” Bill soothed him, stroking Tom's cheek, “It's still night.”   
Tom's brow furrowed softly, “I. . I thought I heard you say something?”  
Bill smiled and cuddled closer to Tom, “Just that I'm staying. Right here. I'm not leaving you.”   
Tom's eyes opened wider, “You mean. . .?”  
“I want this, Tom. I have for so long, but I never let myself believe it. Now, I don't think I could separate myself from it.”   
“I love you, Bill.” Tom pulled Bill closer, squeezing him in a tight embrace.   
“I love you, too.” Bill murmured, kissing the top of Tom's head.   
Having uttered his confession, his mind now felt at rest. He closed his eyes and fell asleep next to Tom, so aware of and comforted by their bodies so close and tangled together. With their naked flesh pressed together, Bill had never felt so complete and joined to his twin.   
All Bill had ever wanted was to be with Tom, with no barriers between them. He had wanted to save Tom from everything that threatened to hurt him. In the end, he had only needed to sacrifice himself, his safety and comfort, for the needs of his brother. It hadn't hurt nearly as much as he had expected, and the pleasure had been beyond compare. The fear he had lived with for so long was gone, and he knew Tom's insecurity was now at rest as well. They were both happy and healthy, in mind and body, so completely bonded and tied together, nothing on this earth could separate them now. Even when fate would tear them apart, they would share it. They would hold each other, lest they drift. They would hear each cry, each laugh, each breath, each word. They would go together, alone into the night.


End file.
